Disclaimer: I am writing abut my experience with depression and exhaustion syndrome. I am not a doctor or have a degree in psychotherapy or anything. This is just based on my experience and knowledge. If you feel you need help, please contact professional help like a therapist or a doctor! Here I sit a week after my doctor told me I need to rest...again. It is only 3 months ago the same thing happened. I stood at home tried not to stress and calm the heck down...then after three weeks, I came back like a phoenix. Well at least an 80% phoenix, I tried working less. But what actually happened? I worked fulltime on four days. And the phoenix aborted it´s mission. Not a good idea for a former depressed person (or is it still depression?) After 2-3 weeks we went on a two-week vacation, so ... Read More about Here we go again
Silent numbing
It seems I was not capable of writing the last days. I mean I don ´ ´t need to write, but it kinda helps me to get shit out of my system. But I stay silent... But it would also makes me confront myself with my situation and weaknesses and that is exhausting and it is intense. But I stay silent... Having a relationship with a business owner (who has something very important going on every day) AND having a 2,5 y/o is sometimes to much even without the work I usually do 40-50 hours a week. No complaint there, just a fact. I chose this and I am able to change it if I want to (my dilemma there is a whole different story, worth a whole article). Distraction for more traction So the last days I found myself binging the Real Housewives of BH and spending hours on the IG. Gosh I hate me for ... Read More about Silent numbing
Don´t leave you idiot! Just leave me alone.
When it comes to love and relationships, I seem like a cool outgoing gal in the beginning. All fun, all dreamy, deep philosophical talks, long nights in bars. I jump into lakes with clothes on (it was daytime, we didn ´ t want to get arrested for nudity). I dance on the streets after watching La La Land (gosh I love this movie). But as soon as I catch deep feelings and decide I really want to spend my life the machinery of anxiety starts moving and my severe fear of loss starts showing. I am very loyal, if you are too. I am fair and honest and never want to hurt one μg of feeling in the world, never. If I do - which does happen - I am just insecure and hurt and hope it helps to be overly clear. But I also love to dream and I dislike if anybody takes a needles and pushes it through the ... Read More about Don´t leave you idiot! Just leave me alone.
Is this the real life or is this just fantasy
Yesterday was quite an exhausting day. I brought my son to the nursery, drove home, put clothes on, drove to the doctor to get my lick leave, went home, had to sleep, picked up my son from the nursery, went shopping with him, came home prepared dinner, as my Mum and her partner were there and it was my hubbys birthday. Sounds not very exhausting I guess, but it was an enormous loss of energy for me. My future husband is the most supportive man you can imagine. No matter what I am going through, no matter wich idea I have, he stands there points out critical parts of the plan and then goes on like a cheerleader. I know he loves me a lot, I know he supports me and I know him by my side. This is good to start of with. Change imagination or reality? The crucial thing about my current ... Read More about Is this the real life or is this just fantasy
Contradiction or Complement?!
As a child I never realized, who wonderful my childhood was and also never realized how difficult my mind is. I just always realized, that everything was difficult, as soon as I had to interact with children my age. I grew up in a family led by my mum. She studied product design, when seh met my dad (musician) and got pregnant with my older sister. I mean we were well in the 80ies when that happened. So my dad (son of a leading professor of music in a university in the US), who got a job in Ireland found his only way of getting this situation handled was to tell my mum (26 at that time) he loved her and would marry her, if she just quit everything and came with him. Otherwise he would leave her with nothing. Crazy to think a woman would go, but a quick reminder: We were in the 80ies, my ... Read More about Contradiction or Complement?!