it has only been a few days I have visited a coach with my partner. We like to "declutter" our relationship, remove unwanted behaviour. In our case that is we do not like our fight-behaviour. I mean...who likes to fight, right? But after a few years into the relationship we quite close, probably the closest people for each other. This means we are also the people who are able to touch, trigger, hurt and heal each other the most. And our profound love for each other usually keeps us from hurting each other UNTIL we hit a trigger. Triggers "something that acts like a mechanical trigger in initiating a process or reaction" (Definition in Merriam Webbster) Trigger usually is something that is the base of your issue. So if you take the famous picture of the iceberg, it is what lies ... Read More about Pull the triggers – don´t pull the triggers
Here we go again
Disclaimer: I am writing abut my experience with depression and exhaustion syndrome. I am not a doctor or have a degree in psychotherapy or anything. This is just based on my experience and knowledge. If you feel you need help, please contact professional help like a therapist or a doctor! Here I sit a week after my doctor told me I need to rest...again. It is only 3 months ago the same thing happened. I stood at home tried not to stress and calm the heck down...then after three weeks, I came back like a phoenix. Well at least an 80% phoenix, I tried working less. But what actually happened? I worked fulltime on four days. And the phoenix aborted it´s mission. Not a good idea for a former depressed person (or is it still depression?) After 2-3 weeks we went on a two-week vacation, so ... Read More about Here we go again
Silent numbing
It seems I was not capable of writing the last days. I mean I don ´ ´t need to write, but it kinda helps me to get shit out of my system. But I stay silent... But it would also makes me confront myself with my situation and weaknesses and that is exhausting and it is intense. But I stay silent... Having a relationship with a business owner (who has something very important going on every day) AND having a 2,5 y/o is sometimes to much even without the work I usually do 40-50 hours a week. No complaint there, just a fact. I chose this and I am able to change it if I want to (my dilemma there is a whole different story, worth a whole article). Distraction for more traction So the last days I found myself binging the Real Housewives of BH and spending hours on the IG. Gosh I hate me for ... Read More about Silent numbing
Don´t leave you idiot! Just leave me alone.
When it comes to love and relationships, I seem like a cool outgoing gal in the beginning. All fun, all dreamy, deep philosophical talks, long nights in bars. I jump into lakes with clothes on (it was daytime, we didn ´ t want to get arrested for nudity). I dance on the streets after watching La La Land (gosh I love this movie). But as soon as I catch deep feelings and decide I really want to spend my life the machinery of anxiety starts moving and my severe fear of loss starts showing. I am very loyal, if you are too. I am fair and honest and never want to hurt one μg of feeling in the world, never. If I do - which does happen - I am just insecure and hurt and hope it helps to be overly clear. But I also love to dream and I dislike if anybody takes a needles and pushes it through the ... Read More about Don´t leave you idiot! Just leave me alone.
Is this the real life or is this just fantasy
Yesterday was quite an exhausting day. I brought my son to the nursery, drove home, put clothes on, drove to the doctor to get my lick leave, went home, had to sleep, picked up my son from the nursery, went shopping with him, came home prepared dinner, as my Mum and her partner were there and it was my hubbys birthday. Sounds not very exhausting I guess, but it was an enormous loss of energy for me. My future husband is the most supportive man you can imagine. No matter what I am going through, no matter wich idea I have, he stands there points out critical parts of the plan and then goes on like a cheerleader. I know he loves me a lot, I know he supports me and I know him by my side. This is good to start of with. Change imagination or reality? The crucial thing about my current ... Read More about Is this the real life or is this just fantasy